Liam's Story

TRACY: A STORY OF LOVE AND HEARTBREAK

I was 12; she was some age under 16. I had never smoked; she already had twenty times the chance of dying of lung cancer. I had braces; she had gum disease. Her name was Tracy, and although she was but a poster on the side of a bookshelf in an elementary school classroom, she was my first love. Her leathery skin, cataracts, skin damage, throat cancer, psoriasis, heart disease, and stomach ulcers - who could resist her? She was addicted to cigarettes, and I to her. I had recently changed schools, and was still reeling from the shock. When I first entered that unfamiliar classroom, I was alone, but she saved me, a gleaming star in my stark, cold, and unfeeling universe. Alas, I could not muster the courage to talk to her. She was the tobacco industry’s poster child, who was I? I had to face facts. She was, as they say, “out of my league”. I tried to push her out of my mind, but my efforts were in vain. My schoolwork suffered, and I became depressed. The seasons seemed to cry with me. As I sunk further into my depression, the weather turned from sunny summer to cold winter. My family wondered what had happened to me, but I couldn’t tell them, they wouldn’t understand.

But, Dear Reader, this is not the end. One cool fall day, towards the beginning of October, I decided to talk to her for reasons even I cannot understand.  The day’s studies seemed to speed by. I waited until everyone was gone, and approached her. She was in her usual position, standing by the bookshelf, smoking a cigarette. I cleared my throat.

“So, what’s up?” I asked, trying to make conversation. No response.  “Uh, you should maybe quit smoking. Cancer, and all that.” I immediately realized I had overstepped my bounds. “But, uh, well, whatever you want is good.” Silence. I had blown it. “Has anyone ever told you that you look like Marilyn Munroe?” She looked at me as if examining a specimen under a microscope. I sighed. “Look, I’m going to level with you. I love you. I have since I first saw you. Just… please, please take me seriously, because I am.” Now it was her turn to sigh.

            “Look, Liam - that is your name, right? I’m sorry, but I’m just not ready for commitment. “

“But –“ I started.

            “No buts. I think I’ve been nice enough, listening to you, and it’s really time for you to go.”

My eyes began to water. “Please-“

“No!”

I wiped away the tears. “Fine.” I said, and walked away. The last thing I saw as I left was some kid I vaguely remembered from my class walk up to her and put his arm around her shoulder. She had lied to me when she said she wasn’t ready for commitment, but I didn’t care. She was my first love, and she broke my heart. She was always there, smoking that cigarette in the corner, but I never looked at her again.

By Liam   Title